I recently did some "bedazzling" of these photo shelves in our living room. Look at me being all crafty! My Grandma Herman would be so proud.
I've been thinking alot lately that I need to "find myself". (Whatever that means.) What is my style? What is my personality type? What are my likes and dislikes?
In our teen years it's all about being like the cool kids, like the cool kids... (is that song in your head now, too?) But I feel I'm older and wiser now, and I really could care less what the cool kids are doing. Ain't nobody got time for that.
I know I was given a unique body, a unique brain, a unique soul. Am I living to its full potential?
And not to sound too morbid, but I've also thought alot about death lately. Not in a scary, creeper kinda way, but more about how it finds us all, eventually. Am I ready?
The hopes and dreams I've had for my life, were they materialistic dreams? I want this house, in this color, in this town, with X number of children with Mr. Prince Charming, and I'm going to live happily ever after.
When my eulogy is read, will any of that stuff matter?
My mom tells the story that her father instructed her & her 2 sisters that he would pay and provide everything they needed for college, however, they had two choices. They could either be a nurse or a teacher. In fact, one of my aunts actually became a teacher, for nurses....
I know if my parents had gave me those perimeters at age 18 I would have flipped out. How dare they bridle my dreams?! I would rather be a freelance horse trainer with acres of land and glorious gardens worthy of magazine covers! Gah! But now that I'm age 32 and realize my teenage dreams may have been a bit naive, I'm left feeling a bit jealous of my mom and her certain future that was determined for her.
I recently ran across this article by Mark Manson. He's an author/blogger/motivationalist, and I've really enjoyed his writing. Coincidentally, I'm also in awe of his ability to insert a well placed curse word for the perfect effect. If you have a minute, I highly recommend you read it: click here
"the greater the opportunity one has, the greater the anxiety of somehow squandering it."
My opportunities are endless, I can be anything I want to be. Yet I'm left wondering, who am I? What do I want to do? I've been googling personality tests and career path guidance. Reading random articles by Mark Manson. Looking for answers to what's right in front of me. Me.
Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceptive. INFP. That is my Myers Briggs personality type. Good ole Wikipedia says I'm an Idealist, I am "driven by a strong sense of right and wrong" and that I have "sensitivity to criticism, poor organization, and low assertiveness". Such flattery.
I'm also an Aquarius. I grew up in the mountains but love the beach. Was raised a Catholic, but attend an Episcopal church. Am fairly open minded but enjoyed my studies at Liberty University (an renowned conservative school). And at the end of the day, I take pride in not fitting into any of your damn boxes!
But I'm afraid I cannot make a living by not fitting into a box.
In usual Martha Combs fashion, I'm probably way overthinking this.
Just listen. Listen to your heart and perceive the world around you through your own eyes, not how you think others would view it. And there really is no right answer. There is not one precise dream job, dream life that we have to work towards. There is no secret key to unlocking happiness. The joke is on us, we were already given the key, we just have to stop doubting it and use it.
Perhaps all that is really required of us is that we contribute. And we can contribute however our individual mind, body, and soul is capable of. Whether that be creativity (art, music, writing, photography), through our time (service, helping others), or our skills (helping someone complete a tax return!). One is no greater than the other, and, as long as it comes from a good place, they are all the right answer.
So as I dabble in art projects and service projects and completion of tax returns, I'm going to put aside the plan and just be open to what's in front of me. Be open and honest with my soul and what she has in store for me.
Won't you join me?
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